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Nothing beats being clinically depressed on your birthday and resenting fake sentiment more than your brother who hasn't even wished you fake sentiment posting a picture of him with your father who pretends you don't exist so he can bang a chick your age, enjoying a day out together as father and son at Wembly stadium on your birthday.

Real classy fuck you right there ..

Another very extended hiatus from livejournal .. strangely enough it was an episode today of Oprah that made me think of this old journal .. made me consider going back through .. maybe doing something I'd considered before but this time for real ..

On the home front .. still married, still living in NH .. Amy is in college living on campus in the hopes of eventually becoming a firefighter .. Lauren is still living in Texas going to nursing school and living with her boyfriend .. Adam is enlisted in the UK Royal Airforce and is loving it and excelling in everything he does ..

My lil bear Caity is as always a bright shining star, she's just started middle school and takes it oh so seriously bringing home almost straight A's. I'm so totally proud of her, she's becoming quite the little young lady and her caring, responsible and happy nature is infectious!

I'm still dealing with health issues, learning to manage symptoms, still running my own business which is doing pretty well considering my limited ability to work.

One wonderful thing happened this summer, Ed took money from his 401k to pay off some bad debts we'd run up partly due to us being sued over our house in MA, which btw is now finally all over but not after costing us thousands in lawyers fees. After the debts were taken care of, he took the remainder and found an independent wood worker and made a fabulous deal to build me my custom kitchen with granite counters, custom cupboards & drawers and making it so that I can work much more efficiently. We didn't have enough to replace anything other than the stove and had to cheap out for now on the flooring but he did the plumbing himself, found a cheap electrician for the lighting and it turned out brilliantly.

As a bonus, he gutted the laundry room in the basement that had been trashed by flooding, redid the walls, ripped up the rotted/moldy flooring and painted the concrete, built special treated bases that withstand moisture to mount kitchen cabinets and recycled a bunch of the old kitchen down into the laundry room turning it into a crafting area for Caity and myself. He even added new insulation, a ceiling and three special folding doors to enclose the area from the rest of the basement so it would stay clean and free from debris from his workshop areas.

Life has definitely been busy but overall happier than this time last year .. I'm now looking to the future with more optimism and despite any frustrations at my health, things are good.

Current Location: home
Current Mood: busybusy
Current Music: tv in the background

What a freakin month!

Lauren decides a week after she turns 18 that she's a grown up now and at the HOSA school trip to invite some married man 10 years her senior to the hotel, who proceeds to book a hotel room on her floor to get access to her, get her drunk to a blood alcohol level of 217 in 90 minutes, have sex with her and then dump her unconcious back in her room ...

There was way more to it, but thats the condensed version and for acting like a 2 year old as well as getting suspended from school for 2 weeks I have grounded her until July 1st(her date for basic training with the army), taken her cell phone, instructed her she isn't allowed to purchase one herself and bring it into my house and she is banned from the internet.

In other news we had the NH Made Try It and Buy It Expo and got some great feedback, we're hoping to get some wholesale accounts from it, keep your fingers crossed!

Finally, a warning to anyone that may have a use for a high temp thermometer, stay away from CDN Digital Candy Thermometer. This piece of junk comes with a clip to place on the side of the pan that doesn't hold the top heavy thing in place properly and when using mine for the first time last Sunday, the stupid thing decided to upturn in a pan full of 300 degree faranheit candy and smear it all over my wrist and a little on my hand, the result being 1st, 2nd and possible 3rd degree burns which landed me in the hospital and now I can barely use my darn left hand because any kind of weigh baring pulls on the burn.

Did give the company an opportunity to make it right, got one phone call and an offer of covering my medical expenses and out of pocket expenses but then suddenly nothing since.

By the way, if you're easily grossed out, avoid the picture below ;)

By the way ...

Where did this warm weather suddenly come from? ... winter has been so long it feels weird not to be cold and see snow outside!

Current Location: My office
Current Mood: busybusy
Current Music: Judge Judy

So I've not been a happy camper this last few weeks, I've had to take on 99% of the business workload including now having to deal with all the accounting, producing the wholesale catalog, dealing with insurance for the shows, basically the work "someone" else had agreed to do but hasn't taken care of.

So overwhelmed and exhausted are part of the vocab ... but somehow I've managed to get the new store up and going for the adult listings http://kinky.etsy.com and even had my first sale yesterday! I sent them a free bag of peppermint bark weenies ... I hope they're not easily offended !

Missed both my physical therapy sessions this week, just too tired and busy to go and my memory when I'm this tired gets really affected ... I think I'm just going to cancel my future sessions and not bother with it, it's costing $25 a time in co-pays which I know Ed doesn't like and we could use the extra cash.

Had a couple of wholesale enquiries this week, hopefully we can start picking up some good regular wholesale customers - it would definately take a little financial pressure off.

Current Mood: tiredtired

Sooo I got two treasuries!! Woohoo!!

Go check em out ... click on everything ...



Remember how Ed said if we got another pet he'd be moving out ...


Meet my new baby as of 2 weeks ago

Her name is Sasha and he adores her ... just about melted when I brought her home! :)

Current Location: in my office as always
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: purring from sasha on my lap

Well ...

Apparently Caitlyn no longer wants to be a famous golfer or vet when she's older, this is what she said when asked why she had sawdust in the crotch of her courdroy pants.

"I was practising dancing with a pole for when I'm older"

Ermm ... 'nough said

Current Location: working in the office
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: 8th world wonder

So yup it's a New Year and I extended Adam's ticket an extra week so I get him home for a little longer! :)

This weekend is the FFF, this year instead of a vendors room no one can find we have a nice corner spot in the main vending area with everyone else. And this year, forget just naughty candy, I've been getting extra crafty - we have naughty soaps, candy, kinky rubbers and cards.

Should be a blast, update next week !

Current Mood: busybusy



So happy my son is here and I got to spoil him this year :) Hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Years !!


Current Mood: happyhappy

So I'm donating a ducky soap for every one I sell, Lauren is taking 35 to school tomorrow to give to Lots For Tots ... their donations are down so badly this year I just wanted to help ...

I posted to the forums at etsy to try and encourage some other people there to maybe do the same and all they're freaking interested in is selling their stuff .. not one person responded even ... like hell I know money is short ... shit it's so short here I have more bills right now than I do money, but you know what, there are kids that are getting shit for Christmas this year ... is it too much to expect a few people to give a damn?

On top of that, Ed is being a real dick ... up until 3 weeks ago he was being a dick for the last few months, because he's stressed with work ... I've done well at keeping my mouth shut, trying to keep the peace between him and everyone he's been sniping at ... which is mostly Amy, but has been all of us ... and a few weeks ago he apologises so I don't take it any further

But tonight he's been a right arse ... he snipes at Lauren over how much food she made herself and so I called him out on it ... he just about loses the plot ... says everyone is picking on him ... starts throwing shit around, stomps, yells ... basically throws a tantrum .. it's actually so ridiculous we all start laughing thinking he'll laugh back or something ... like what is he? ... 5? ... no he stomps down to the basement again .. I leave him for a while then try to talk to him and he's still all moody ... so I leave him again for a while then try to talk to him when the kids aren't around so he doesn't feel embarressed or threatened .. but no again he's all aggressive and snippy ...

Finally he states he's going to bed ... doesn't say shit else to me, like ermm thankyou for cleaning 6 inches of snow off my car, or shovelling to help you out in the driveway ... just "I'm going to bed"

Well yanno .. fuck you

Like I have no stress .. like I'm not running a fucking house, getting ready for Christmas .. running a goddam business, dealing with customers every damn day and making and shipping stuff out every fucking day ... sure I have no fucking stress ...

Pissed doesn't come close right now ...

And his answer .. "well maybe I should just leave then huh?" or "so what you want me to pay the bills now instead then?" or "I'm tired of everyone picking on me!"

Fine ... fuck off ... I'm done pretending I have no fucking stress so we can deal with your fucking stress ... since when was I the only fucking adult in the goddam fucking house ...

I've been dealing with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome for the longest time now that's been getting worse and worse, some days I can barely move, my mind is so foggy some days I can barely think straight or my body gets so weak I stumble like I'm drugged or drunk ... but do I whine or take it out on everyone else all the time .. no I deal with it and still run a house and a business and try to do the best for everyone that I can ...

I'm tired of being the only adult 24/7 ... sometimes I need someone to take the reins and give me a break and relieve some of my stress and pressure .. why can't he do that? Why does the world fucking end because he's feeling pressure and stressed but the world has to just deal when it gets tough for me? I'm tired of his selfishness and a few days from our 4th anniversary, it's one of the first times in a long time that I wonder what the hell I'm doing here, trying so hard and feeling like I'm not even valued or wanted.

Sometimes I wonder if he'd even really give a damn if the girls or I weren't here ... he's constantly picking at Amy and recently more at Lauren .. the only one he's consistantly kind to now is Caitlyn ...

Sorry for the vent but if it's not here then I'm going to explode ... I hate the girls seeing me cry and Lauren already saw me break down tonight ... I know he's not a "bad" guy, but sometimes he's just seems to not give a shit and ... well I'm at the end of my rope right now and I don't want my son getting here Sunday and having to see me faking to feel happy .. I want to have a good Christmas and actually BE happy and give Adam the best Christmas he can ever remember ... is that really too much to ask?

Current Mood: angryangry
Current Music: stupid fucking LMN on the telly
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